Freebear Triumphant

[spookydoom]

[Filmed immediately after his titanic battle against Leon Corella was won, a sweat-drenched American Freebear was offered the microphone for his first words as DCWL Grand Champion.]

"Did you see that? Did you see that? I had to claw all the way to the top of this company, but when you're the only bear that flies, your claws are titanic!!"

[The huge 338 pound form of the American Freebear is found inside his locker room, already attempting to make arrangements so as to form his own private locker room. Slumped over a bench with a jug of homespun bubbly at his side, the Freebear yells his triumph for all to hear.]

"And now the people of DCWL will cry and complain about having a BEAR as its champion. They will tear their hair out at having this big flying monster representing this company!! They had Nazis and Hubert H. Humphrey impersonators at the helm, but Heaven forbid a progressive Southerner be DCWL's Grand Champion! Inject some class and civility in this podunk Mickey Mouse organisation!"

[He takes a HARD swing of his moonshine bubbly, his words slurring ever so little now.]

"Well I don't give a doodle! The American Freebear looks down from his perch high above the DCWL and feeds himself on all the little botttomfeeders plaguing his land. I put down that Rhodes Islander Leon Corella and now it's that injun Maurice Thompson from NORTH Dakota! Well the American Freebear proudly stands as a bastion of Southern sensibilities against all the hicks and yahoos in DCWL and Northern USA and I can assure you that there ain't no more Seminoles down in Florida because we civilized folks did the civilized thing and KILLED THEM ALL!!! And some we sent to Oklahoma, which admitably is a fate worse then death."

[He douses his hair with the rest of the jubbly, clearly celebrating his huge victory over Corella. Grabbing the DCWL Grand Championship belt in his mighty paw, he addresses the people watching at home one final time.]

"Folks, take a good look at good at this belt! This is for champions! Grand champions! People that represent the best in humanity, or in bears! You yokels and you canucks don't have any idea what this belt represents, nor any hope in ever taking this belt away from me for NO ONE CAN STOP A BEAR WHO CAN FLY!!!! SHAH HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

[He falls over from his bench, but keeps on laughing. We fade out.]

[yansuko]

Can we edit the Hubert H. Humphrey out?

[Jon A]

Now, that's a bit rash. He may not have been a favorite of Hunter S. Thompson, but Hubert H. Humphrey is one of the best kept secrets of American democracy. Though how he relates to Leon Corella is beyond me.

[leoncorella]

[Stepping into view before a simple web cam, Leon Corella looks rather haggard. His hair looked rather unkempt as short strands of it hung in disarray before his eyes, and his face sported a thick, blond stubble beard. Leon's attire consisted of a slightly wrinkled dress shirt, a tank top, and a pair of gray slacks. His eyes are brought to bare with such anger and hate that if looks could kill, there would be a million eyes watching the webcast found dead.]

Corella- If I were in your shoes right now, with such a narrow win against a drugged man, I wouldn't be celebrating all that much....

[His gaze narrowed and his jaw set.]

...In fact, I'd try to attract as little attention to myself as possible. However, you are not my target at the moment, so be very grateful, Freebar. Be very very grateful that there is someone out there that is more worthy of being beaten to death right now, than you.



You should also be grateful that you'll be losing your title very soon. Afterall, you barely eked out a victory over me and I was doped up. What kind of odds does that give you against Maurice Thompson, a man who was able to go toe to toe with me at my best and make it interesting, hmm?

[...Corella sneered at the camera, as if it were directly at Freebear.]

I want you to think long and hard about that on your way into Cornerstone Revolution 5, Freebear.

[He then stepped off camera, the scene fading to nothingness.]

[spookydoom]

[This response from the American Freebear comes to us by way of YouTube video. Sure he is your DCWL Grand Champion and the top wrestler of this company, but you don't get prime sets and camera crews anytime someone says something bad about you! On the other hand, championship gold does afford the Flyin' Ursine a remote control zoom lens for his online camera. Smug look on the new champ. He KNOWS he's the champ and not to quiet about announcing that fact.]

"Look at you, Leon Corella! Soon as you find defeat at the hands of the one and only American Freebear, you HAVE to find yourself an excuse. Very first sentence out of your mouth, but listen well..."

[Sharp inhale of breath.]

"THE AMERICAN FREEBEAR IS THE ONLY GRAND CHAMPIONSHIP CHAMPION THAT IS A BEAR THAT FLIES!!!!

[The room quakes!]

"I'm the best! I'm the winner! I'm the bear that defeats all comers, comes down from above like only one Freebear can and crushes unsuspecting Northerners to dust! That makes you the guy who has to console himself with excuses because HE JUST WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH!!!! You were bad, Corella! You were bad and you should feel bad! I mean, drugs? Is that all? Big deal; I drink a case of Yuenglings before each match, a FINE BEER (no, not a free beer, I tried) the likes you won't find on any of your Rhodian islands! I think I'll have one now, BECAUSE I'M THE CHAMP!!!!!"

[Cocky little big sunnovagun, ain't he? With his new belt comes a new swagger for the American Freebear as he does into open up a bottle Yuenglings, the finest beer of Florida!]

"Look at me Corella, I didn't just beat the Game Over, I crashed the whole entire friggin' game system with my Ursine Destroyer!!! And you think Maurice the Injun is gonna stop the only bear that flies? NO ONE CAN STOP A BEAR WHO CAN FLY!!!! While you're sitting at home rueing your encounter with the American Freebear, I'll be flying all over the world as a representative of fine Souther wrestling! Also, I might just have my own action figure too!"

"Does DCWL still work with the toy designer theme it had all those years ago? I want my spring-loaded American Freebear action figure, darn it!"

"But back to the subject, there might've been some IDIOTS on the INTERNET who might've called me a ""crybaby"" (double quotation marks because this statement is doubly ridiculous), but I never made any excuse for my behavior! AND I NEVER WILL! HA HA! I'm the Grand Champion of the DCWL and I don't care who doesn't like it, I won this belt the American way: taking any opportunity available so I could crush me a Northerner! Hooray!"

[bigmikefoyer]

BMF- YEAH, You tell him Sasquatch lite! He makes an excuse for everything! Next thing you know, someone's gonna' kick his ass and he'll say "I've got POLIO! How dare he beat me!!!" BAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!

[...The laughter is deafening to say the least. Gradually it dies down, Big Mike wiping a bit of moisture from his eye in the chortling death throws of his amusement.]

...Fine Leo, whatever. Make excuses, throw assumptions, and be a little whiny BITCH!! That's what you do best! You whine and complain everytime something doesn't go your way.



Meanwhile, Freebeer is KING!! Oh did I say Freebeer? Ah who am I kidding, nobody takes the whole flying bear thing seriously. Who gives a rat's ass if the Grizzly flies?

[He snickers, tipping his cowboy hat back a bit.]

I'm the Grizzly that mutilates the motherf**ker in front of me and I do it with a smile on my face and warm fuzzy feelings of contentment in my heart. If you were a bear, you wouldn't have stopped at pinning Corella...

[...Big Mike steps up to the camera, a menacing gleam in his eye.]

...You would have beat him, and beat him, and beat him until he was nothing but a gummy, pink and red pile of goo in the ring. THAT... that is what a bear does to a dumbass that's stupid enough to go barging into his woods. He doesn't just pin him and go "I win, I win! Yay for me!"

[His lips part and his teeth expose to reveal a sinister smile on that large, bearded face.]

You ain't a Bear, son. You're just a big hairy bastard who jumps really high and had the great fortune to be in the ring against Leo on just the right night...

[...BMF gives a wink, as if hinting at an unseen truth.]

...Enjoy the spoils of our war, Freebeer.

[The big man then steps off camera, the scene cutting to static and fading to black.]