Post by Jon A on Jun 13, 2009 12:36:43 GMT -7
TEAM NAME: The Annoyed Samoans
HANDLED BY: Up for grabs!
Character Name: Offramp Alebua
Height: 6' 1"
Weight: 415 lbs.
HOMETOWN: Princeton, Samoa
Team role: Team blob with some good speed to him, using his weight to crush opponents. Studies sociology (hence his finisher name) and enjoys eating tourists.
Finisher: "Zimbardo Slam" (aka World's Strongest Slam)
Secondary Finisher: 747 Splash
Other Noteworthy Moves:
Character Name: Moses Pupulolo
Height: 6' 5"
Weight: 270 lbs.
HOMETOWN: Berkley, Samoa
Team role: The closest the team has to a legitimate athlete. Likes literary criticism.
Finisher: "Volcano Eruption" (Moses stands to once side of the victim, hooking the near leg. Taking hold of the back of the victim's neck, Moses forces them into a somersault, landing on their head.)
Secondary Finisher: Top Rope Splash
Other Noteworthy Moves:
Character Name: Ozzie Emshamo
Height: 6' 8"
Weight: 366 lbs.
HOMETOWN: Yale, Samoa
Team role: Team monster. Only speaks in one-sentence non-sequiturs.
Finisher: "Samoan Chokeslam" (basically a chokeslam, but Ozzie grabs the back of the victims neck and drives them forward to the mat)
Secondary Finisher: "Samoan Powerbomb" (wheelbarrow powerbomb)
Other Noteworthy Moves:
Team Alignment (face, heel, tweener, bear, etc.): Act like heels but manage to get a face reaction from DCWL crowds.
Entrance Theme (with a link to MP3 or Youtube video): "The Countdown" by Jovette Rivera
Team Bio: Three maniac brawlers trying to dispel Samoan stereotypes who happen to still be embracing them. All have degrees and speak perfect English. (Except for maybe Ozzie. He lives in his own world.)
HANDLED BY: Up for grabs!
Character Name: Offramp Alebua
Height: 6' 1"
Weight: 415 lbs.
HOMETOWN: Princeton, Samoa
Team role: Team blob with some good speed to him, using his weight to crush opponents. Studies sociology (hence his finisher name) and enjoys eating tourists.
Finisher: "Zimbardo Slam" (aka World's Strongest Slam)
Secondary Finisher: 747 Splash
Other Noteworthy Moves:
- Banzai Splash
- Biting
- Headbutt Rush
Character Name: Moses Pupulolo
Height: 6' 5"
Weight: 270 lbs.
HOMETOWN: Berkley, Samoa
Team role: The closest the team has to a legitimate athlete. Likes literary criticism.
Finisher: "Volcano Eruption" (Moses stands to once side of the victim, hooking the near leg. Taking hold of the back of the victim's neck, Moses forces them into a somersault, landing on their head.)
Secondary Finisher: Top Rope Splash
Other Noteworthy Moves:
- Diving Chop to the Head
MongolianSamoan Chop- Headbutt Rush
Character Name: Ozzie Emshamo
Height: 6' 8"
Weight: 366 lbs.
HOMETOWN: Yale, Samoa
Team role: Team monster. Only speaks in one-sentence non-sequiturs.
Finisher: "Samoan Chokeslam" (basically a chokeslam, but Ozzie grabs the back of the victims neck and drives them forward to the mat)
Secondary Finisher: "Samoan Powerbomb" (wheelbarrow powerbomb)
Other Noteworthy Moves:
- Top Rope Shoulder Block
- Top Rope Splash (rare)
- Headbutt Rush
Team Alignment (face, heel, tweener, bear, etc.): Act like heels but manage to get a face reaction from DCWL crowds.
Entrance Theme (with a link to MP3 or Youtube video): "The Countdown" by Jovette Rivera
Team Bio: Three maniac brawlers trying to dispel Samoan stereotypes who happen to still be embracing them. All have degrees and speak perfect English. (Except for maybe Ozzie. He lives in his own world.)
[In your standard backstage hallway, three Samoans, complete with tribal tattoos, unkempt hair, necklaces of shells, bones through nostrils, etc. all act like the stereotypical Samoan wrestler.]
OFFRAMP: Foolish humans!
MOSES: Prepare to die!
OFFRAMP: For we are…
MOSES & OFFRAMP: The Annoyed Samoans.
[Gradually it becomes clear that they speak perfect Americanized English. First, the meso-endomorphic one speaks.]
MOSES: My name is Moses Pupulolo.
[Pan over to one that looks like a man-ball.]
OFFRAMP: I am Offramp Alebua.
[Pan up to the huge monster with braided hair.]
OZZIE: Spaghetti.
OFFRAMP: And this is Ozzie Emshamo.
MOSES: And why are we Annoyed Samoans? My colleague Offramp will elucidate.
OFFRAMP: [aside] I’ll what?
MOSES: [aside] You’ll tell ‘em.
OFFRAMP: Oh, okay. Basically we’ve been watching wrestling all these years and we’ve been seeing all the Samoan stereotypes come in and out the door and we felt the need to provide positive Samoan archetypes.
MOSES: Absolutely. All you’ve been getting is this horrible “ooga booga, mi wanum shrink some hedz bullseet” for all these years, and we felt it was about time to show off what Samoan wrestlers are really capable of.
OFFRAMP: Ladies and gentlemen, would it surprise you to know that Ozzie Emshamo was part of the team that helped synthesize a new kind of polymer--
OZZIE: I like jam.
OFFRAMP: --A polymer that happens to be in use in exterior coolant piping on a little thing called, oh I don’t know… THE INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION?
MOSES: I think that’s pretty neat, and I guess the modern wrestling world doesn’t. They’d rather see us shrug off punches to the head and eat tourists.
OFFRAMP: Well… I do eat tourists.
OZZIE: Spaghetti.
MOSES: That may be true, Offramp, but pretty much everyone forgets the garnish of flying fish roe and asparagus , and my personal opinion is that the inspired dusting of red wine vinegar single-handedly took you from two stars to three in the Zagat International Dining Guide.
OFFRAMP: Oh, you flatterer…
MOSES: No, it’s true. Ladies and gentlemen, how many of YOU are in the Zagat guide? Exactly what I thought.
OZZIE: Tuesday.
OFFRAMP: And Moses here enjoys literary criticism. Have any of you composed a treatise on the similarities of the style of meter used by Emily Bronte and e.e. cummings?
MOSES: So there you have it, that’s why we’re Annoyed.
OFFRAMP: Do not annoy us further or we will KILL YOU FOOLISH HUMANS.
MOSES: Uh, listen, Offramp, about the “foolish humans” thing…
OFFRAMP: Dial it back?
MOSES: In a nutshell, yes.
[Fade.]
OFFRAMP: Foolish humans!
MOSES: Prepare to die!
OFFRAMP: For we are…
MOSES & OFFRAMP: The Annoyed Samoans.
[Gradually it becomes clear that they speak perfect Americanized English. First, the meso-endomorphic one speaks.]
MOSES: My name is Moses Pupulolo.
[Pan over to one that looks like a man-ball.]
OFFRAMP: I am Offramp Alebua.
[Pan up to the huge monster with braided hair.]
OZZIE: Spaghetti.
OFFRAMP: And this is Ozzie Emshamo.
MOSES: And why are we Annoyed Samoans? My colleague Offramp will elucidate.
OFFRAMP: [aside] I’ll what?
MOSES: [aside] You’ll tell ‘em.
OFFRAMP: Oh, okay. Basically we’ve been watching wrestling all these years and we’ve been seeing all the Samoan stereotypes come in and out the door and we felt the need to provide positive Samoan archetypes.
MOSES: Absolutely. All you’ve been getting is this horrible “ooga booga, mi wanum shrink some hedz bullseet” for all these years, and we felt it was about time to show off what Samoan wrestlers are really capable of.
OFFRAMP: Ladies and gentlemen, would it surprise you to know that Ozzie Emshamo was part of the team that helped synthesize a new kind of polymer--
OZZIE: I like jam.
OFFRAMP: --A polymer that happens to be in use in exterior coolant piping on a little thing called, oh I don’t know… THE INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION?
MOSES: I think that’s pretty neat, and I guess the modern wrestling world doesn’t. They’d rather see us shrug off punches to the head and eat tourists.
OFFRAMP: Well… I do eat tourists.
OZZIE: Spaghetti.
MOSES: That may be true, Offramp, but pretty much everyone forgets the garnish of flying fish roe and asparagus , and my personal opinion is that the inspired dusting of red wine vinegar single-handedly took you from two stars to three in the Zagat International Dining Guide.
OFFRAMP: Oh, you flatterer…
MOSES: No, it’s true. Ladies and gentlemen, how many of YOU are in the Zagat guide? Exactly what I thought.
OZZIE: Tuesday.
OFFRAMP: And Moses here enjoys literary criticism. Have any of you composed a treatise on the similarities of the style of meter used by Emily Bronte and e.e. cummings?
MOSES: So there you have it, that’s why we’re Annoyed.
OFFRAMP: Do not annoy us further or we will KILL YOU FOOLISH HUMANS.
MOSES: Uh, listen, Offramp, about the “foolish humans” thing…
OFFRAMP: Dial it back?
MOSES: In a nutshell, yes.
[Fade.]